If you hadn't yet guessed by my lack of blogging about my continued adventures (or lack of) with Alli, this will serve as official notice.
After the initial loss of a few pounds, it became evident that I was simply losing water weight and not actual fat. That, combined with the...eh hem...embarrassing side effects, just cemented in my mind that this wasn't the weight loss drug for me. And answered the question from my first blog - why didn't it just blow up when it became available to the masses? Well, there we have it. Sadly, reading about orange exploding diarrhea wasn't enough to convince me. I had to experience it myself.
It also confirmed that there really is NO MAGIC PILL for weight loss (cue the ugly sobbing.) So, it is back to the gym I go, and rather than being restrictive with my diet, I have decided that cutting back on my daily alcohol intake is the way to go. Which says a lot about how much I must be drinking to be gaining weight from it (oh, the shame!)
In the time that has passed since my last blog entry, another major life event happened to me. Turning 40. I say "major" though, really, it wasn't. Let's be honest. It's 2020 and so many more important things are happening right now. But, in a non-2020 world, turning 40 would have been more significant in the scheme of things.
But, in honor of...well, me, I am going to share what I look forward to in my 40's:
1) Wearing less make-up. Because I'm old and only Botox and filler can save me now (Kidding. Kinda.)
2) Having the money to afford hair extensions. Again, because I am old and my hair is thinning and because if I have a fake face, why not have fake hair, too?
3) Being 1 year away from an "empty nester."
4) Walking into a bar - any bar - and having the self-confidence to have a drink or meal alone.
5) Not being the youngest, least experienced person at a table of executives. Oh, the horribly stupid things that flew out of my mouth when I was 30.
6) Knowing exactly what I like in bed and how to accomplish it.
7) Letting dumb shit go. In the end, everything turns out just the way it should regardless of how much you try to control something. For those of you who are not easily offended by swearing (and if you are, this is the wrong blog for you) I recommend this short video by Jason Headley that will help you experiment with meditation and the art of not giving a fuck: https://youtu.be/92i5m3tV5XY
8) Getting more beautiful with age (see #1 and #2). But, really...there is nothing more beautiful than self-confidence. And I have it. In spades. Probably more than I need. But, this only happens with age and the knowledge that you have lived through some shit and come out on the other side - whether personally or professionally, or both - and have experienced the kind of embarrassment and humiliation that builds the sort of confidence I am talking about. It's the kind of confidence where you can walk through this world knowing you have done it all, seen it all, said it all, heard it all, and lived to tell about it.
9) Not caring about social media. I mean, maybe I should? But, I don't. I get asked all the time, "Did you see such-and-such posted about XYZ?" And I relish in the fact that I can say, "Nope. I haven't looked at Facebook/Instagram/Snap Chat since yesterday morning's bowel movement" (which is pretty much the only time I have to look at my own social media accounts. And you know what? It's the perfect amount of time.
10) Being the old lady who is inadvertently scandalous. Those ladies over 40 know what I am talking about. It's the "her <hair, skirt> is too <long, short> for her age" comments and the "OMG she has DSL's" (if you don't know what that means, ask Google) and the "Holy hell, she's an exhibition-what?"
I'll just leave all this here for you to digest. And, one day, when you turn 40 (if you haven't already), come back here and leave me the top 10 things you look forward to in your 40's.
Peace and chicken grease. Mwah.
- Jess
Comments